Lucky Charms and Plastic Spoons all over the Floor!

I sit here as my entire kitchen is covered in Lucky Charms and Plastic Spoons! My son Dash, who just turned 2, is very crazy! He's a very rowdy boy! I know I will have to face the mess sometime soon- at least before he wakes up from his nap!

Dash just turned 2 on October 30th! He's growing up way too fast! He's definitely a Momma's boy. He's loves to cuddle and hug. I'm dreading the times when he starts kindergarten, graduates from college, and gets married! I'll be rolling on the ground crying- Dan will have to pick me up and carry me out of there!

It's been such a joy to be a stay at home mom for Ella and Dash! Even though its crazy most of the time- I'm trying to take in every hug, kiss, and moment daily- hour by hour. Because I know this time (while they are young) will not last forever! Its such a joy to raise them! God has truly blessed me- I feel like I don't thank Him enough!!! My joy comes from the Lord- I always will have Joy through Him! Happiness comes and goes- but Joy in the Lord is forever! Recently, God has been speaking to me about joy- His Joy- I see the word Joy everywhere this time of year! It's a constant reminder- to me that- His joy- is all you need- for the rest of your life! His Joy never fails!

It's been way too long!!!!

It's been way too long since I last blogged! The Lord has been telling me I need to start blogging again- probably for some time now (maybe 2 months or so)!!! I don't know why I haven't listened- maybe just being lazy or maybe because I've been in pain!

Yes, I don't have Cushing's Disease anymore- but I seemed to have herniated a disk in my back! I have been in pain since May- The disk is sitting on my right sciatic leg nerve- I had to have physical therapy- and it has helped- I can finally say that currently I am not in pain!!! Yay!!!!

The Lord is good! He has sustained me and gotten me through! I guess I haven't written about this ordeal because I think I was a little discouraged- and possibly frustrated with God about my health issues! The Lord has been so patient with me! This year, 2010, has been challenging! But it has changed my life- my life with Christ as my guide! I know that just because I am one of His children doesn't mean I will not face trials... He is molding me a making me His own- and what He wants me to become- and its exciting!

2 Peter 3:18 "Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever."

My Fascinating Life without Cushing's Disease

I guess I no longer have Cushing's Disease- praise the Lord! I still have a fascinating life!

I can't believe its been over a month since I last blogged! Sorry about that! I've been pretty busy lately taking care of 2 kids during summer break! I've also been uninspired to write! I've been a little down- Due to the cushing steroid withdrawal- I know It's not my fault but I guess I've let it get to me- I've been feeling better lately-exercise helps! I've been trying to work out 3 times a week! I saw the Doctor at the Cleveland Clinic on Wednesday I've lost 10lbs. since the surgery in March! Yay! I might be able to go off steroid medication if my pituitary function is back to normal- I'll know next week when my blood test results are in! My doctor says there is less than a 5 percent chance of the Cushing's to come back! I guess anything is possible- but I'll leave that to the Lord! I've just recently read a book by Max Lucado that has greatly encouraged me! It's called Traveling Light- Releasing the Burdens you were never intended to Bear- The Promise of Psalm 23. He breaks down Psalm 23! Everyone knows Psalm 23- but I've never really thought about it all that much! He basically tells us that we need to lay all of our burdens and luggage down at God's feet so we can travel light through our journey of life! Satan tries to pack on the suitcases of doubt and fear. We need to lean on Christ like He is the Shepherd and we are His sheep! If we can't get rid of this luggage than we can to nothing for Christ- and as a Christian I want to do everything for Him! This book has definitely touched a nerve recently in my life. "He restores my soul" Psalm 23:3 I've needed this- He knows what I am going through and He is there- I can Always come back to Him!

How do I go to Heaven without dying?

How Do I go to heaven without dying? Ella asked this question this morning at breakfast! I said-" Well, sweetie you can't"- only like 2 people in the Bible went to heaven without dying":) Dan promptly looked it up and we figured it out! Ella then decided she would like to read her Bible before school! I am so thankful that I have children who are interested in Godly things- I pray every day that Ella and Dash would grow up to be mindful of God and have personal relationships with Christ!

Update on the Cushing's Disease:
Well, I guess I no longer have Cushing's Disease due to the removal of the tumor on my pitutary gland! Praise the Lord!
I am feeling better and better every day!
I do have a sore back- due to lifting Dash several times a day! He weighs 26lbs! Pray for me! I just need to build up my ab muscles! I have started working out- starting slow- I've been walking around my neighborhood- feels good but it wears me out! My face is rapidly deflating! Yay! I usually takes about 6 months before it returns to normal. God is good- thanks for all your prayers!

Pasta Boy!

Tonight for dinner we had tortellini!

Dash loved it-can you tell?! Ella's Birthday is tomorrow- we let her open all her presents today! We got her a Zhu Zhu pet named Fluffy! She absolutely loves it! She really wants a real hamster-so we thought this would be the next best thing! She is talking to it right now as I write this! She pets it and treats it like its real! They are watching Barbie in a Mermaid Tale together! :)

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Well, I can't believe its been 5 weeks since my surgery! I'm doing great! Every day it gets a little better! I'm still pretty tired, and sometimes nauseated, but I'm able to get through! My headaches have diminished- the Lord is taking care of me- and I'm trying to rest in His arms. Dan goes back to work next week- I'll miss him, so will Dash! I was changing Dash's diaper yesterday- for the first time in like 6 weeks- he looked at me funny- he was just staring at my face like "mommy- you're changing me?" where's daddy?" I need to build up my muscles- once again- in order to lift Dash- He weighs 27lbs! Dan and I saw the Doctors at the Cleveland Clinic on Wednesday. They said I can get back into the swing of things. I'm going to start exercising again because I gained about 20lbs. due to the Cushing's Disease! I weigh right now about as much as when I was 9 months pregnant with Dash! Its kind of frustrating- but I know that I can do it - I did it before- the lbs. came right off- with hard work. I'm going to start slow- by walking around my block- since the weather is nice! I'll take it day by day step by step!

Big Boy!

I'm so excited about this Big Boy Vintage Bank! It just makes me smile- I guess! He looks just like Dash! -except for the blue eyes. I found him at the Thrift Store last week! Its in perfect condition!Dan thinks I'm crazy because I can't stop talking about it! Maybe its the meds talking! I do love going to the thrift store and finding interesting vintage pieces- they are way cheaper than ebay or the antique mall! Anyway- its nice that I'm able to get out more now- growing stronger each day! I'm still pretty worn out at times- usually I take a nap once a day! Its such a blessing to have Dan home during this time- he'll be going back to work in a week- I can't believe its been 4 weeks since my surgery! I will miss him when he goes back! I'm going to have to build up my arm muscles so I can lift up Dash- he's 26lbs.! I see the surgeon next week at the Cleveland Clinic- they are slowly tapering down my Cortef- so hopefully I can start gaining more energy- and my face and body can go back to normal! Sometimes I get impatient- I would love to just snap my fingers and have everything go back to the way it was! The Lord is teaching me patience through this recovery- its going to take some time. I need to just trust and rest in His healing arms! I know He will restore me!

She's proud of him- and I don't feel like eating anything!

Just the other day Ella told Dan that she was proud of him!

She said "Because you take care of Dash and you pick me up from school"- "all of the other parents just 'smile' when they pick their kids up"! I guess Dan must do something extra special when he picks Ella up- she is a daddy's girl! :)

Update on Recovery:

Yesterday Dan and I went to the Cleveland Clinic for a check-up- everything is going good- I'm on Cortef (a steriod drug) to help me come down off of the cushing's high safely and comfortably. I can totally tell the difference between having cushing's disease and not having it! I can stay up past 7:00! Whoo Hooo! I don't feel like eating everything I see! And I think my hair has stopped falling out! I do get some headaches now and then- that's when narcotics come in handy!:) The headaches are due to sinus pressure (fluid in the sinuses) due to the surgery. Hopefully they will resolve quickly- that is my prayer- currently! The doctor said that the mass was 4mm and the pathology revealed one of cushing's disease! Good news because its not a malignant tumor- that would be very rare! The Lord is good- He has blessed me with so much! I will praise Him!

This man is amazing!

This man is doing an amazing job at being mister mommy while I recover!

He's got no complaints! It's hard taking care of a fussy, skwermy, wormy 17 month old at times! Poop doesn't faze him anymore! I knew he would be a good father- but not this good! He does get tired at times- I say "Welcome to my world"- but he keeps on going- and going strong! All without caffeine- I must add. He cut back on caffeine a couple months ago- he was drinking it all day long- now he only drinks about one cup a day! It just amazes me! God gives him the strength- I know it! I am so proud of him, and all he does for our family! The Lord has truly blessed me with such a wonderful husband! I learn something new about love, life, and family each day I am with him. His testimony challenges me to be a better person- and I love him so much for that!

My Time is Now....:)

My Time is Now!

Psalm 139:13,14

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb."

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well."

I am so thankful I live now- in the 21st Century!

Ahhhhh Technology! Its so amazing what Doctor's can do in this day and age- especially for Cushing's Disease! Back in the old days-like just 100 years ago- I probably would have just died from this terrible disease! My whole surgery was basically done through my nose and guided by an MRI! Amazing! Just 50 years ago they would have had to cut my skull open in order to get to the tumor. The Lord knew my life had to be now so he could show me his great and wonderful power! While I was at the Cleveland Clinic last week the Lord kept reminding me that He was in total control of my life- and He placed me exactly where he wants me! He never gives us anything we cannot handle! My time is Now- so I'd better run with it- He will guide me.

She wore hot pink nail polish to her brain surgery!

First of all, let me thank everyone who was praying for me on March 26! Thank you :) Thank you! My surgery lasted about 3 hours- they removed the tumor! I spent 4 days in the hospital, and they had to monitor me by drawing blood every couple of hours to see if the cortisol levels would drop to normal. It worked!

I'm gonna brag (a little bit) about my wonderful husband and best friend!

While I was in the hospital Dan was so supportive! He slept on an old, vinyl, squeaky chair by my bedside every night! I told him he could go back to the hotel at night and sleep- but he said "I'm not leaving here without you" - so sweet- what a wonderful guy!

Next- comes the hard part-the recovery!!!

Let me just say- Percocet and anti-nausea meds are my best friends right now!

Dan and I had to make a trip to the ER last night- because I was having really, really bad headaches and nausea for 2 days straight! I told Dan I'd rather have 10 kids at once then experience this type of pain! Well, the ER gave me something 10X stronger than morphine, and I could still feel some twinges-it did give me some relief though. I also had a CT scan- to see if anything was leaking. The CT scan showed that there was no leaking- just a lot of fluid in my sinuses. This fluid is just from the surgery. I was relieved! The ER later sent me home with different pain meds and anti-nausea medication - and they are currently working great!

I'm high as a kite right now-so it is taking me forever to write this! Anyway, I'm on the road to recovery, the Lord is good.

Robots, Denny's, and Country Elvis

Yesterday, Dan and I had a nice date to the Cleveland Clinic!

I had to see the ear, nose, and throat Dr. before surgery as well as get a CT scan of my sinuses!

They said my sinuses looked great, I had little ear canals, and if you take off your nose than you would just have 2 holes! I thought to myself "please don't take off my nose!" Well, actually they said alot more, but I've been getting so much information lately- my brain hurts!

To be completely honest I would much rather go on a date with my husband to Hawaii! I honestly could not get through all these appointments without him- he's my rock- here on earth! God is my big rock- in heaven!

Anyway- let me explain Robots, Denny's, and Country Elvis:

Robots- For my CT Scan appointment we had to go to the basement of the Cleveland Clinic. As we exited the elevator there were flashing lights everywhere and a track of robots moving supplies by themselves- we just had to laugh! Although, they did kind of freak us out!

Denny's- The place we stopped at for our dinner date on the way home! We are pretty tired of eating McDonalds (Big Mac Snack Wraps for me :)) for every meal! We haven't been to Denny's in like 10 years! We know there are some in Columbus- but not sure where! Anyway, we were way too excited to eat there- but it was soo darn good!!!! (Try the fried pancake balls dipped in syrup!!!!)

Country Elvis- We jammed to this on the way home! Let me tell you this CD is a great CD! If you like Elvis (like we do) and you like country music than you should get this CD! I know I sound like a big dork, but we had fun!

Ella's Picks!

Here's Ella's Brackett!

It cracks me up!

She filled it out very carefully- and circled the winner!

When I asked her why she chose Michigan St. to win it all- she responded- " Because Magic Johnson taught them all how to play basketball real good!"

Smart girl!

Ella loves to read all of Dan's old NBA magazines- so I think she is a little stuck in the 80's and 90's! Magic Johnson is her favorite player! She does have a LeBron James jersey and loves to wear it- she also loves the Kobe/LeBron puppet commercials- she watches them on YouTube quite often! I sometimes can't believe this little girl is only 6 years old! She seems so wise beyond her years! I guess she has an old soul! Although- she always says she never wants to grow up! I respond - "Yeah, me too!" :)

Here's the hair!

Here's the new color- slightly lighter more golden/ reddish! I really like it! It covered the two gray hairs! Yay!

Well- exactly one week till Surgery!

This time next Friday I'll be sedated, and hopefully tumor free!

I just got my pre-surgery itinerary in the mail from the Cleveland Clinic- it felt like Christmas! Really it did! I'm very excited! Can you tell! I have to see various doctors starting Thursday- I also need to have some tests like blood work, CT scan, MRI scan, EKG, and nurses appointments before I can get cleared for surgery. I know I'll pass- I'd better! I think the reason I'm so excited is because this disease makes you feel so horrible- I just want to get back to regular life- as quickly as possible! I've got kids to play with- and I need lots of energy! :) The Lord has truly helped me to have a positive attitude- its all about faith! Blind faith!

"He went out, not knowing whither he went." Hebrews 11:8

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading."

Oswald Chambers

Livin' on a Caffiene high...or maybe a Sugar high..

Yummy! Don't those cupcakes look sooo delish!!!!

Livin' on a Caffeine high.... or maybe a Sugar high....

O.k. I just ate a bunch of chocolate- and I feel great!! Well, I've actually felt great all morning- I was able to get so much done! Dash and I went to Wal-Mart to get some cat food, baby food, hand sanitizer- odds and ends like that.... morning is the time to go to Wal-Mart... if you know what I mean! We also went to the mall and walked around- It felt really good to walk around- although I tend to get really hot and had to rest a couple of times. Anyway, I think I felt so good this morning is because I had a Medium McDonald's coffee and it probably had way more caffeine in it than I'm used to! Oh well- it was good and I feel great, fantastic, like I could run a marathon! I'm trying to think of what else I can do before I crash! Oh, yes- I noticed- now that my hair is short- I have some gray hairs! Well, maybe just 2! But that is 2 too many! Soooo I'm going to dye my hair now (just a couple of shades lighter)- the box says it has good gray coverage! :) I gotta look good for my surgery next week! It's coming up fast- the Lord is good! I will be soon on my way to recovery!

Happy Lucky Charms Day!

Happy Lucky Charms Day! (That's what Ella calls St. Patrick's Day)

Well, It's just about 1 week till the surgery at the Cleveland Clinic!

I'm glad- because I've been very fatigued lately! I've had to lay in bed and take naps- if I do simple tasks like going to the store or laundry- It wears me out! On Monday I had to have some tests done at the Cleveland Clinic ( they drew my blood every 15 min. for 2 hrs. after they injected me with medication)- sounds like fun- :) no, It really wasn't that bad- Dan was with me so it was like a date! Next Monday I have to go up to the Clinic once again to have a CT scan and see the ear, nose, and throat Dr. before surgery. Dan's glad we can have another date to the hospital :) He is a very special guy- and it makes this whole health trial much more pleasant! Surprisingly, I'm not nervous about the surgery! The Lord is helping me! He is giving me peace- much more peace than I ever expected. I know He will take care of me so I can once again be restored!

"The everlasting God fainteth not, neither is weary." Isaiah 40:28

She makes my headaches go away :)

Ella just makes me smile- each and every day!

O.k.- I'm going to brag- just a little bit about my 6 year old !

I guess I'm allowed- I'm her mommy!- and proud of it!

She says the funniest things.....

A couple days ago she told me that the Jonas Brothers were the best singers in the whole world! And- all she can think about are the Jonas Brothers! I don't know where she got that from because we don't own anything Jonas Brothers! She probably got it from school! She loves school- she even said today that she didn't want it to snow anymore because she wants to go to school!

She also talks about what she wants to be when she gets older- as every 6 year old does! She says she can't decide- one day she wants to be a teacher, or a rock star, an astronaut, or even a wrestler/ boxer! She talks non-stop- all day long- I don't know where she gets the energy!

We have long conversations about God, heaven, death, life, nature, the human body, etc. She wants to know about anything and everything! Anyway, enough of my gushing! She just makes my headaches go away! I've been having some serious headaches lately with the Cushing's Disease and it is such a wonderful remedy to have a fascinating little daughter ease that pain!

She is truly a blessing from God!

Alright people- I've got places to go people to see!

"Nay, in all these things, We are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." Romans 8:37

Alright people- I've got places to go people to see!

Let's get a move on it!

I'm going to be totally honest- I'm tired of waiting- for my surgery- the past 2 days have been a little difficult with the Cushing's Disease. I've been extremely fatigued- The mornings are usually the best for me- it's when I have the most energy- so that's when I try to get everything done that needs to be done! Well, yesterday I decided to help Ella clean her room and re-arrange her bookshelf. After about an hour of moving in slow- motion- I was extremely exhausted and had to lay down for the rest of the day- in bed!

Sometimes it can get very frustrating when you want to play and have fun taking care of your kiddos! But, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who lets me rest while he takes care of mommy duties. I know God is once again teaching me patience! This surgery is going to be here before we know it- (a little over 2 weeks away) but, to be honest it sometimes seems like years away! I know God is in control- and it is all in His timing! I just need to be patient!

Easier said than done!

Bluebell- we love you- But we don't like you!

Bluebell- we love you- But we don't like you!

This is our cat Bluebell! Ella wanted me to take some pictures of Bluebell because she wants to take them to school to show her teacher and all her friends! Ella loves to get up in front of her whole 1st grade class and talk about various things- her teacher lets her! She loves to write stories, draw them and share with her classmates! I don't how she does it- me- at her age- I would never get up in front of my class- never! I was very shy!!!! Anyway, back to Bluebell our cat- she is crazy! I guess most cats are crazy in one way or another! Dan and Ella- I know they secretly love her but they don't like her! Ella tells me almost every day she wants a dog and likes dogs better than cats. I told her we can get a dog when she is like 14 or 15. Bluebell would not do well with a dog- she would probably tear their face off ! O.k. Bluebell only loves us when she gets fed- she even hisses at us when she gets mad - and we are HER loving family! She even swats at baby Dash when he gets near her! Dash just laughs- he's not scared at all! Dan asks almost every day "How do we get rid of this cat?"- we joke- maybe someday she'll just run away- problem is she never wants to go outside! We sound horrible- don't we? All kidding aside, I know we, as a family, would truly miss Bluebell if she was gone! Although- I wouldn't have to go through all the trouble of having her totally sedated when she goes to the vet! The vet techs had to get out the big anti- scratch gloves last time she was there! I could go on and on about how she jumps on my head in the middle of the night- every now and then! Or how she eats any little crumb of food left out- and then proceeds to throw up on the carpet! We go through a lot of Resolve carpet cleaner!!

We do love her - even though Dan will never admit it!

Big Mac Snack Wrap- I Love You!

O.K.- I know this is not a picture of a Big Mac Snack wrap- but its close enough!

Big Mac Snack Wrap- I Love You!!! ..... And other advantages to having Cushing's Disease!!!!

This is probably the Cushing's Disease talking- so you'll just have to bare with me!

I have been wanting to write about this Big Mac snack wrap since I first tried it about a week ago! Can you tell I love it!!! If you love the Big Mac Burger, but don't want all the calories (the snack wrap has like half the calories) then go for the snack wrap- it tastes just like the Burger!!!

Anyway this is the reason for probably my craziness...

Cushings Disease makes me really hungry and so I get really excited about food- anything and everything- it feels like I'm pregnant- eating is the best part- I think- of being pregnant!

O.K.- so that is one advantage of having Cushings Disease! Here is a list of other advantages!

I really do kinda like these....call me crazy!

1. I don't have to wear a big bulky winter coat- because my body temp. is very warm to hot all the time.

2. My eyelashes are longer and thicker! I love that, since naturally I have short and stubby eyelashes.

3. I fall right to sleep at night, and sleep the whole night! (Even when I have to go to bed at like 7 or 8 o'clock)

4. I have an excuse to cut all my hair off- because it was falling out- which I already did!

5. I can wear my hair like a faux hawk- which I'm doing right now!

All of these little ditties just make me laugh!

God has been teaching me about Joy lately- and finding joy in every little thing every single day!

Pixie!!!!

Yay! Pixie cut! I finally got the hair all cut off! I love it! It feels so good! Ella said only teachers get that haircut! But she said she loves it!! :) Since my hair was falling out because of the Cushing's I figured it was time to chop it off! It feels so liberating! I love it, love it, love it- can you tell I really like it!!! Dan and Dash went with me to the salon- I told Dan a couple of days ago that I was going to get all the hair cut off- His response- "Halle Berry short?"- I said "yes"- He said-" o.k. good." I think he thought I was going to get it Sinead O'Connor short- like shave it all off or something! :) He likes it! Dash on the other hand- (he's 16 months) has been making weird faces at me all day- like "where's my mommy?"
But I can tell he's getting used to it! I was able to donate the hair because it was quite long!

"I will very gladly be spend and spent for you."
2 Corinthians 12:15

Pure Joy! My Kewpie!

My little Kewpie Doll!

O.k. I'm going to brag a little bit about my 6 year old daughter- Ella!

She brings me such pure joy each and every day!

She even looked like a little Kewpie Doll when she was a baby!

Ella knows something is not quite right with me lately, but she really doesn't know all of the details of my sickness. We haven't really gone into too much detail with her because she is only 6 and its not like I'm dying here- thank the Lord! She has been giving me so many more hugs and kisses lately! Those hugs and kisses have really given me such joy and peace! Sometimes we just need a simple hug!

Ella loves God! How do I know? She talks to me about Him every day! She prays for the kids in her class at school who don't know God! She is NOT afraid to talk about God to anyone and everyone who will listen!

Yesterday, I took Ella to ballet class and the ride in the car is about 30 min.

She wanted to talk about cemeteries, R.I.P., tombstones and what all that means- not one of the most fun topics of conversation! She knows she is going to heaven when she dies because she accepted the Lord as her Savior last summer, but she couldn't quite grasp the concept of getting there when her body is in the ground in a cemetery! I explained to her that we all have a soul and it will forever be in heaven if we know God! Then she went on to say she wanted to be the President when she grows up because she wants to tell everyone about God! Then she said she needs to change her name to a Presidential name like Abraham Lincoln, or George Washington because I guess Ella Beckley was not good enough! :)

The kids stuff say....

They make you simply smile!

You Know You Have Cushing's Disease when..... (Part 2)

This pic was taken back in mid-Dec.- I looked at it and thought- I have Cushing's Disease again! My face was starting to fill out - starting to look like a moon face again! I felt o.k. at the time- except for maybe some extreme fatigue! I knew I had to get to the doctor and soon! Well, the rest - as you know is history- I have my surgery scheduled for March 26, 2010! Yay! The Lord is going to work out all the little details between now and then! We are praying!

O.K.- You Know You Have Cushing's Disease when.... (Part 2)

1. Your head hurts all day long- i've been going through advil and tylenol bottles like there's no tomorrow!

2. You get extreme joint pain all of a sudden

3. All your joints feel like rubber- I feel like gumby!

4. Your skin is really itchy and dry all over!

5. Your skin is really pale and see- through!

6. You just look sick and feel sick all the time!

7. You feel very shaky at times!

8. Leg muscles are very weak!

These are some of the symptoms I'm currently going through! I don't want to sound like I'm complaining- I just want people to become aware of the effects of too much cortisol has on one's body with Cushing's Disease! I want to document my experience so I might help other people struggling with this disease.

It could be alot worse- the Lord is taking care of me!

Psalm 121:1-3

I will lift up my eyes to the hills-

From whence comes my help?

My help comes from the Lord,

Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved:

He who keeps you will not slumber.

God does not sleep- He knows what you are going through- He holds my hand!

I learned this passage of Psalm 121 as a 3rd Grader for a Speech Meet.

Throughout my life it has always popped up in my mind- and given me such strength and peace.

You know you have Cushing's Disease when you have to put your spit in the mail

Another view of my Brain- way cool!

You know you have Cushing's Disease.......

When you have to send your saliva in the mail (for a test)- mailed my spit yesterday!

When you sleep more than your 16 month old!

When no one at any doctor's office or insurance company knows what you are talking about.... (I had to deal with my insurance company and doctor's office about one little test) it took like half the day! Medication of course not covered under plan- $800 out of pocket for just one vial of medication! God will figure it out. Anyway- that's enough of my rant!

Wow it feels good to vent!

My brain looks really good!

I look smart!

Isaiah 54:10

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you."

Today was kind of a stressful day- but God reminds me through this verse that everything around you can be falling apart- but He is there with you, loving you! That is all we need!

Sometimes We Just Need to Wait......

Sunrise at our back door! Dan took a great picture!

Hair falling out in clumps now!
I'm not complaining- just sayin'
I'm glad that I have super thick hair because you really can't tell that I'm going bald! No, I'm probably exaggerating- I just need an excuse to cut it all off- really short like a pixie cut!

Sometimes We Just Need to Wait....
I need to wait for my surgery- March 26, 2010
But you know what- God is with me and He is teaching me to wait on Him and His will for my life.
Sometimes We Just Need to be Still.....
Psalm 46:10
"Be Still and Know that I am God."
"One of the Greatest Strains in life is the strain of waiting for God."- Oswald Chambers
True
Very True
It is sooo hard to wait, but it brings me such peace to know that I am not in control, be still and just wait!

Faith like a child and Kermit The Frog

O.K.- First the Kermit The Frog Part.
This is how I describe myself (the shape my body becomes when I have Cushing's Disease) Your arms and legs become really skinny- they loose all muscle tone and your mid-section becomes really round! I say this not to feel sorry for myself- or for you to feel sorry for me- but to bring awareness to some of the things that Cushing's patients have to deal with. You have to make fun of yourself and just laugh!


Psalm 86:11-13
"Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave."

Faith like a child

God has been teaching me through this whole ordeal to have faith like a child.
I must give up my adult pride and control in my life.
It is not my life but His.
He has given me so much peace through this!
I must surrender myself to faith like a child!

Moonface!

This is my brain! Very Fascinating!

My pituitary is the bright white area located just behind the dark black sinus area- its between the nose and the eyes! My tumor is very, very, small about 4mm - you can see the tumor as a little round opaque area on the pituitary gland.

Anyway- Cleveland Clinic Day was yesterday! Finally!

I was able to meet with the specialist as well as the surgeon and schedule surgery for March 26, 2010- yay- I didn't even have an appointment with the surgeon (those kind of appointments usually take another month)!

The Lord is good!

He works out all the little, teeny, tiny, details!

Why is it so easy to worry and fret over them?!

"Rise, let us be going." Matthew 26:46

O.k. I'm not going to lie

Yesterday was a little nerve racking and I felt a little depressed- its so easy to do that when you are going through a health crisis.

I really don't like hospitals and seeing all of those sick people being wheeled around is not really sunshine and rainbows.

But the Lord was talking to me the whole time!

He said "You are my child and I will take care of you"

He said "You know what- It really could be worse"

He said " These sick people need the Me"

WoW!

My devotions for today talked about not wallowing in your despair- when you are going through trials- but take the initiative and rise- to Him!

What is Moonface?

It is a way to describe a patients face that has Cushing's Disease! Because it puffs out like a big Moon! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

You just have to laugh!

Short-term memory not so good!

O.k. so- yesterday was Valentine's Day!

Dan had asked me to make his current favorite dinner for Valentine's Day- (Super Easy Beef Stew Pie)

I went to the store on Saturday to get all the ingredients as well as some other essential items. Unfortunately, I forgot the most essential items - the beef stew and the pie crust!

Since I have Cushing's Disease my short- term memory is basically non-existent! I need to start writing things down - I don't like to write things down! Anyway, I made hot dogs and jazzed up baked beans for Valentine's Dinner! The jazzed up beans were excellent! Dan and Ella loved it! My wonderful husband loves anything I make- I love that man!

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

God is in control of my life.

I wanted to share with you a quote from Elisabeth Elliot and her perspective of her life with God. Her husband, Jim Elliot, a missionary, was slain serving the Lord.

"All of us may be tempted sometime to conclude that because God doesn't fix it He doesn't love us. There are many things that God does not fix precisely because He loves us. Instead of extracting us from the problem, He calls us. In our sorrow or loneliness or pain He calls, "This is a necessary part of the journey. Even if it is the roughest part, it is only a part, and it will not last the whole long way. Remember where I am leading you. Remember what you will find at the end- a home and a haven and a heaven."

Who Holds The Key to Your Heart?

Happy Valentine's Day!

This is the yummy cupcake- I did not make- but enjoyed last night for desert!

I did make dinner though- It was super easy- garlic lemon chicken in the crock pot with creamy Yukon gold mashed potatoes and salad! I love to cook and try new recipes- esp. now that I have Cushing's Disease- it makes me super hungry! Anyway cooking has been kind of a therapy for me during this time! I suggest that you keep doing anything you love like knitting, reading, cooking, baking, sewing, yoga, pilates, or whatever you fancy, during trying times- it keeps your sanity!

Super Easy Garlic Lemon Chicken in a Crock Pot:

3-4 pound roasting chicken

1 med. onion roughly chopped

2 garlic cloves smashed

juice of 1 lemon

3 tablespoons of butter

1/2 tsp. dried thyme

1/2 tsp. paprika

salt and pepper

1. Rinse Chicken with cold water and discard giblets- pat dry

2. Put onion, garlic cloves, 1 tablespoon of butter salt and pepper inside of cavity

3. Rub outside of chicken with remaining 2 tablespoons of butter

4. Put chicken in crock pot

5. Squeeze juice of whole lemon over top of chicken

6. Sprinkle salt, pepper, dried thyme, and paprika over top of chicken

Cook on high for 5 or 6 hours

The chicken falls right off the bone- sooooo delish!

James 1:2

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

I know that I do not consider it pure joy when I go through trying times!

But the Lord is teaching me, molding me, and making me into the vessel that He wants me to become- and that's exciting! I know He cares enough to test my faith!

"At times God, puts us through a discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him" -Oswald Chambers

Buttercream Frosting

Margaret (my talented little sis) this picture you drew for Ella is so beautiful! It reminds me of Valentine's Day!

Buttercream Frosting

1 Cup Butter

3 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

1 teaspoon milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/8 teaspoon salt

1. In a bowl combine butter, sugar and salt. Beat till blended.

2. Add the milk and vanilla and beat for an additional 3 to 5 min. or until smooth and creamy. ( I suggest you use an electric mixer or hand-held electric mixer) :)

Makes enough icing to cover 1 9in round cake or 18 cupcakes!

* Buttercream Frosting is my current new favorite thing on Earth!

* I've always wanted to try to make a homemade cake with icing from scratch- and last week I did just that! It turned out absolutely fantastic-esp. the Buttercream Frosting- I'm obsessed!

*So in honor of Valentine's Day- go make some cupcakes for your sweetheart!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

* This verse is the theme verse of my life currently!

Outwardly I might be having health problems- but the Lord is renewing me inwardly day by day! I feel his constant presence! He knows what He is doing in my life and I am excited! I know this trial is temporary and it is in plain view for all to see- but that's not important in my life- what is important is the unseen and eternal!

I'm just going to be honest!

This picture of my beautiful children brings me such joy!

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose imagination is stayed on thee." Isaiah 26:3

O.K.- I'm just going to be completely honest!

I really did not want to do this blog- It would be waaaaay easier to just crawl in a hole and pull the covers over my head and wait till this is all over!

But that is not what God wants me to do- He wants me to just throw it all out there!

As I mentioned earlier I've been struggling writing about this for about 2 weeks! Finally, God made me dream about blogging 2 nights in a row so I said- O.K.!

Also, I made a commitment about a year ago to (God changed my life) read the Bible and do devotions everyday from now on- no matter what!

Lately, my devotions have been about listening to God- Fancy that!

Case in point:

Today's Devotions

Titled in my Oswald Chambers book : "Must I Listen?"

He poses the question

"Why are we so afraid to listen to God?"

"Because we know that if God does speak, either the thing (that he's asking) must be done or we must tell God we will not obey Him".

Wow!

That's harsh!

Well, I decided to not crawl into that hole- even though it might pain me at times to talk about this illness.

So I'm just going to be completely honest-

I do this all so the Glory of God can be shone through my life!

It's His life not my own.

What exactly is Cushing's Disease?

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13


This is a picture of me taken at my 31st birthday- just a couple of weeks ago on January 27th.- I really did not want a picture taken of me but it truly shows the reality of the affect cushing's disease has on one's appearance!


What is Cushing's Disease?

Well, I'll tell you about the kind I have:

It is a hormonal disorder caused by a benign pituitary tumor
This type is 5X more likely to affect women than men
It typically affects adults ages 20-50 years old
This is a very rare disorder
This tumor makes you over produce cortisol throughout your body

What are the symptoms? (These are the ones I'm experiencing)

extreme fatigue
hair loss on head
more hair on body and face
weight gain upper part of body
skinny legs and arms
high blood sugar
muscle weakness
joint weakness/ pain
headaches
change in sleep patterns
mood changes
thin skin that easily bruises
short term memory loss

What is the solution?

Well, usually people with a pituitary adenoma causing cushing' s disease would have a surgery to take away the tumor- then they would gradually get better because the cause would be gone. The surgeries are done by very highly trained doctors- like at the Cleveland Clinic!

There is always a chance that further down the road it could come back or re- grow- but we will leave that to God!

Well, enough of the Cushing's talk-
I need to go cut up some carrots and celery for Ella's Heart Healthy Valentine's Party- " boring" as quoted by my husband Dan!
I'm going to let Ella sneek in some chocolates and lollipops!

Bring it!

"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it" Philippians 1:6



Well- It's back- my Cushing's disease that is!

I first noticed weird things going on with my body about a couple months ago- but of course I ignored it- it was Thanksgiving and Christmastime and I had presents to wrap and food to make! The first uh-oh moment came when I broke out in bad acne, then my clothes started to not fit me right! I was starting to gain weight even though I was working out like 3 days a week and eating healthy! All my fat was moving up to my belly and upper parts of my body- I know it sounds gross- but I can deal with it! Anyway, I started putting 2 and 2 together, and I realized that I was experiencing the symptoms of the dreaded cushing's disease! The last straw was went I saw pictures of me taken at Thanksgiving and Christmas- my face was starting to look cushie!- ahhhhhhhh

Time to go to the doctor!

Sure enough my urine cortisol was soooo high!

Time to be referred - once agin- to the Cleveland Clinic!

My appointment is next Wednesday, February 17th- so right now it's just a waiting game!



Why do I use the word fascinating to describe my life with this disease?



Reason 1: Because God has been teaching me so much this past year (starting in 2009) before I started having symptoms about His process in my life as a child of His! He continues to challenge me with this new crisis. I'm excited to see what He will do next!



Reason 2: Because the word fascinating definitely describes my body and the changes it is going though the longer it is exposed to the over production of cortisol- I feel like a giant medical experiment- fascinating!



Reason 3: This is a fun reason- Ella- my 6 year old daughter- Her favorite word to describe things recently is Fascinating- its so funny to hear her say that word- she must be reading way too much Fancy Nancy!



Anyway- done talking about myself



Yesterday was a great day of firsts in the Beckley Family:



1: Ella lost her first tooth- its about time- that thing has been hanging on by a thread for months! My little baby is growing up!



2: I blogged for the first time- even though I really didn't want to do it! But if God brings it to you in a dream 2 nights in a row- you'd better do it!

Is it really fascinating?

Well, it is to me! I think that I have finally come to terms with it all- and I mean all!
Why am I doing this blog? I really don't know- but I think God wants me to! I know God is going to tell me what to say and what to share! Maybe I can help someone out there- a fellow cushie- or anyone else for that matter relate to life's ups and downs no matter what crisis you are currently going through!

O.K.- I'm going to try to make this short and sweet! (Because I really don't like talking about this disease and the effects on the body) although it is quite fascinating!

My History with Cushing's Disease:

I'm not sure when it all started probably sometime after the birth of my daughter back in 2003- I noticed some weird things happening to my body:
major fatigue
weight gain ( even though I worked out 5 days a week and ate healthy)
acne
all of my fat on my body moved up to my face and neck- i always had a puffy face, round and red
more body hair as well as more facial hair- ugh
major heartburn all the time
hair loss
I eventually lost all muscle tone in arms and legs and could barely go up and down stairs!
I had no clue what was going on- I just sort of ignored it for a while!
I was diagnosed with cushing's disease in 2006- so I probably suffered with it for maybe 2 years- who knows!
It took that long for doctors to figure out what was wrong with me- I know some people out there live with this disease for many, many years because Cushing's Disease is so misdiagnosed!
I feel blessed!
Anyway- the doctors said I have a pituitary tumor that is making my body produce way too much cortisol. I had to have surgery to have it taken off. So it was April of 2006 when I was set to have surgery at the Cleveland Clinic my doctor said we should do another urine cortisol test before we schedule. Turns out my test was normal- and I should be feeling better soon- my body will go back to normal- and it did- an MRI showed that the tumor just shrank by half its size for no apparent reason.
God healed me.
I, my husband, and my church had been praying for me all the time! We told God just take it away- and He did!
I went on to have a beautiful, healthy baby boy in the Fall of 2008- no complications!
The Lord is good!

Well- Guess what- my journey with Cushing's disease is not over- it's back!

And Fascinating

Bring it on!